turn up the sun

Moved.

2006-01-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

Happy new year everyone!

and so.. im moving over to LJ.

http://users.livejournal.com/andalusia_/

update your links! and remember the underscore at the end!

La La Days

2005-12-24T12:59:00.000+08:00

ive not updated for ages. its been a month since the big A's ended, and haha, ive not blogged for a month. First up, i got tagged by Nabilla quite some time ago. So here it is :

Rules of the game:
1. Post 5 weird/random stuff abt yourself
2. At the end, list the names of 5 ppl who you want next to this and leave a comment "YOU ARE TAGGED" in their blogs and tell them to read your blog for rules!

1) i love msn messenger emoticons. ive been collecting cute/angry/suicidal/sadistic emoticons from everyone esp JJ and Nazri. I've got quite a collection i think. It makes chatting on MSN all the more fun!

2) i fell in love with Hindi movies all over again about two months before the A levels exam. i was in a pretty depressed state one day and played Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham. it was just a pretty random thing, i hadnt seen it for about two years. but from there, the movies just made me so happy, hahaha.. and ive been watching so many of them since. listening to Hindi and Tamil songs now actually. Thank you Maggie for the songs.

3) i had my first day of work a few days ago. It was pretty horrible, i quit after the first day! I think if i wasnt with Sheena, it would really have been a lot worse. i think i may just stick to the relief teaching option for now.

4) i have this thing with certain songs that i really really like. I'll listen to them on repeat for about two-three days, then i'll get bored and wont listen to them for a few months. One of my favourite songs is Travis' Flowers in the Window. and well, ive not listened to it since er, March i think. =/

5) I'm moving to Livejournal soon! hahaha, ive been thinking about it for some time, and once i get a really nice layout i think i'll move.

6) i cant wait to go to the zoo on 3rd January with Fanana! i've not been there in ages! hahahahahaa! All you Girls' Room Girls who are just bumming around at home better come along too!

ok, and i'm tagging Syafiqah, JiaJie, Maggie, Zaiton, Farhana and Adleen! update your blogs!

laughing my intelligence away

2005-11-24T20:17:00.000+08:00

hahahahhaha

its over!! ive not stopped grinning since eleven this morning! the cheekbones hurt! im sure that part of it is bcos the utopian lit paper was pretty kind in a way - i was able to asnwer both questions and write the longest essays (hope quality and quantity!) ive ever written for the paper.

was pretty delirious this afternoon hahaha

now i can read, go online shopping and just stare at the tv for hours without feeling guilty.

heck, Oasis' The Importance of Being Idle is the official anthem now k?

2005-11-19T16:49:00.000+08:00

where is everybody? my msn list is practically empty! hmph. anyway,

i lovedlovedloved the movie! 156 minutes of total escapism.
shouldnt be pg though. i found the graveyard scene pretty scary, i never imagined the scene to be that dark when i read the book. ralph fiennes is spectacular as lord voldemort, and there's actually some sort of chemistry between harry and him, the sworn enemies sort of chemistry. there's always been that connection between the two that's so much stronger in the books but not really in the movie, but with this one, its here. finally, you actually get the harrypotterverse spirit in this movie that's been sorely lacking. the kind that if you're not a harry potter book fan, you wont understand the magic that the book casts onto you. hahaha, im becoming pretty book-ist, but its the first time i actully felt that finally, the director gets it!

oh and yeah, the twins are so funny! and there was this hilarious scene where snape kept uh, redirecting harry's and ron's attention back to studying. snape didnt say much in teh movie though he was in a lot of scenes. actually there wasnt a lot of dialogue for all the characters except maybe harry. you could feel the intensity of the movie from the start, there was so much to tell but so little space and time it seems. i cant stop gushing abt the entire movie!

but oh yeah, im not really such a fan of michael gambon as dumbledore. he reacts too much, if that makes sense. dumbledore's the silent strength sort of person. i would never expect him to push harry against the wall after the triwizard tournament selection. and the way that he goes "Silence!" in the Great Hall..nah, Dumbledore doesnt call for attention like that. Richard Harris was way better at portraying Dumbledore.

im bored. would have put up more pics from GOF if LJ wasnt down. now i really have nothing to do. (no! no 1984!not after harry potter!)

art fazil

2005-11-18T19:48:00.000+08:00

i discovered my art fazil cd dusty on the cd rack on wednesday and realised how much i missed listening to his songs. anyway, i googled him a few minutes ago, and found out that he wrote an article for the new paper in august (and it was published 3 days before my birthday)! so here it is :

Is Jack the Ripper really a Mat?
By Art Fazil
August 17, 2005

I HAVE a semi-romantic fascination for the Victorian Age, despite its colonialist overtones.

It was a time when the glories of industrialisation rode hand in hand with the golden age of art, literature and poetry.

There was the British Raj, Rudyard Kipling, Oscar Wilde, the steam engine, Around the World in 80 Days, Phantom of the Opera and the Elephant Man.

And Jack the Ripper.

In autumn 1888, a series of five ritualistic murders in the Whitechapel area of London awakened Victorian society from its opium-clouded dream.

The exploits of the murderer, nicknamed Jack the Ripper, have fascinated the world for more than a century. Jack the Ripper is said to have never been caught and has been the subject of much speculation.

Among the suspects was Prince Albert Victor Christian Edward (known as Eddy to his friends). But at the time of the Ripper murders, there were no theories presented to link Eddy to the crimes.

In 1970, Dr Thomas Stowell published an article in The Criminologist called A Solution using the private papers of Eddy's physician Sir William Gull as his primary source material.

According to Stowell, Eddy was suffering from syphilis, contracted in the West Indies, and that this infection drove Eddy insane and compelled him to commit the murders.

Hollywood offered its version through the film From Hell starring Johnny Depp. The film unravelled a chilling alleged conspiracy involving the highest powers in England - the royal family and the Freemasons.

Another theory is that of the 'foreigner suspect'. There was a common and arrogant belief at that time that 'no Englishman was capable of doing such a thing, hence the suspect must be an immigrant'.

As a result, the Jewish community living in Whitechapel at that time came under suspicion.

When I first arrived in London some years ago, my friend Michael mentioned in passing something which I took an interest in.

He said that one of the suspects in the Jack the Ripper case was a Malay man.

Recently, while researching on the Malay diaspora to gather materials for the London Malay Festival, I came across the case again.

The London Times dated October 1889 reported that a Malay man who worked as a cook aboard ships had threatened to kill Whitechapel prostitutes, but he then disappeared. The Malay suspect was said to have gone by the name of Maurice.

Now most of us would know that Maurice is neither a Malay nor Muslim name. I wondered perhaps his name could have been Mat Rais or Mat Deris. Mat is the abbreviation of Ahmad or Mohammad - a commonly-used Muslim name.

The Anglo corruption could have possibly twisted Mat Rais or Mat Deris into Maurice. Just like how the Arabic Straits of Jabal Atar became the Straits of Gibraltar.

But imagine, if one day, through some 'newly discovered evidence', Jack the Ripper turned out to be a Malay man. History would have to take a revolutionary turn to the Orient.

Books would have to be re-written, scripts changed and films remade. And, who knows, perhaps there would be fresh openings in the film industry.

And talents like my friend, the gifted poet and actor Rafaat Hamzah, or even myself, may jolly well get a role in a new Hollywood film about Jack the Ripper.

But I would have to insist that it be renamed 'Mat the Ripper'.

=D heh. cuteness.

eternal sunshine of the empty mind.

2005-10-29T20:13:00.000+08:00

what am i doing here?

i decided to update after seeing the previous entry. i got my earrings yesterday. it was in a rectangular envelope and sealed twice with that shiny brown masking tape. earrings are pretty though, so boho =)

i love charm stuff, charm bracelets, charm necklaces. Asos has so many new nice ones but they're pretty ex, and you have to chooose. and i just ordered this pair of earrings:

i need to get away before i order any more!

so many pretty, shiny things. i like the way emma watson put all 3 necklaces together :

yes, its a pretty picture. . i joined a bunch of HP communities on my LJ yesterday and got super hyped up abt the new movie until i rememebred that ive planned to watch it on Nov 18, the day of my second last paper. Second last paper because the utopian lit paper is 8 days after that. a three hour break wont hurt. i hope not. oh heck, if i feel guilty i'll just push it back a week. i read HBP two weeks after everyone in the world did anyway, i can resist the movie!

sigh.

and so you see allll the distractions? i should isolate myself at the library early tmr morning.

library. cold. i want my jacket. my new jacket which hasnt arrived. silly Vpost charged me $6 for shipping the thing. killllll.....

btw, mr singh still hasnt replied to the utopian lit email. i dont think he remembers us anymore.

there were two thunderstorms this week. one on tuesday afternoon and one on thursday night. i wish it'll rain again tonight.

Eid is on thurs. not feeling festive this year. tried to spark something, but cant really gather up much. (could be due to the mess of books and notes i wake up to everyday.) i helped my sister make kek batik today. we ended up arguing.. errgghhh....

the a's the a's. one and a half weeks? -zips-

oh and yeah, i cant get into Francey.org now. i think the girl banned our entire country from seeing her site. all our IP addresses are bad =(

this was one random post.

i'll leave with a quote i put up on the previous layout of my blog. havent quite found a nice space to put it up here:

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.
~Erich Fromm

so, chin up, yes? the best is yet to come.

no ebay virgin no more

2005-10-22T20:58:00.000+08:00

and so, it really is the beginning of the end. i started my ebay shopping journey today.

i learnt from the best (thank you JJ!). 45 seconds to the end, i clicked a button and kicked all other bidders out of my way for this:

after a few emails sent, my precious are finally on their way here . -tears- its such a beautiful thing...

damages incurred? not telling =D

and im watching so many more things! arrgh!

death by Visa.

personality test.

2005-10-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

You're an INTP

You're on a quest for logical purity.You're motivated to examine universal truths and principles, always asking "Why?" and "Why not?". You can focus with great intensity on your interests. You appreciate elegance and efficiency in thought processes and demand it in your communication.

You might appear low key in appearance and approach, you're hard as nails when challenging a truth. You don't like to deal with the obvious. At your best when developing unusual or complex ideas. You can be an under- achieving but very capable student. If you don't like a rule, you're quick to challenge it and find flaws in it ( this could make you somewhat of a rebel) .If you like the rule, though, you have a respect for it and go along with it.

A relentless learner in areas that hold your interest. You might seem "lost in thought" to others. You tend to connect unrelated thoughts. You would rather be the architect of a plan than the implementer of it. You need a private, quiet workplace that allows for flexible independence . You would rather organize ideas than people.

You tend to stay away from traditional leadership roles, and would rather lead with your ideas. You don't get emotionally involved, but rather tend to follow logical reasoning. Leisure has two dimensions to you: first, you like to concentrate and reflect on conceptual matters -- second, you like to take risks in the external world .

You like to read, think, watch TV, play with computers. Sometimes you'd rather do these types of things than hang around other people. You don't necessarily like "best sellers" or "must see" movies because you don't trust people's opinion on what's "popular" and would rather make a value judgment for yourself.

Love, for you, has three distinct phases: falling in, staying in, and getting out. falling in love is a loss of rationality for you, and you fall HARD...an all or nothing phenomenon....

The "staying in love" phase is where you start to evaluate the relation- ship's structure and form. You may withdraw at this point because you're moving toward your most customary inward style and nature. A lot of the open affection stops. The giddy state changes. The "falling out of love" part (which doesn't always happen) results from an analysis of the real expectations of the realationship and needs of the relationship. Often an undefined line is crossed that neither of you knew about in advance. However, if you end it, you'll keep the relationship going as a friend in some capacity if you have a reason.

Pitfalls: don't focus too much on the inconsistencies of others. Try being friendly and showing appreciation of others. Being competent is very important to you, and you could be too hard on yourself. Don't let your emotions take control -- you could have outbursts or appear hypersensitive.

INTP: "It's Not Theoretically Possible" ( er, what does that mean?)

got the link from effa's blog. not bad, a lot of it is pretty true.

Train Wreck

2005-10-18T20:46:00.000+08:00

The A's start in exactly 3 weeks. Geography paper on the ninth. for a minute , i forgot that Eid is in two weeks. =(

shimmer shimmer

2005-10-16T14:12:00.000+08:00

the heavy rain is lovely. i like the way it falls, reaching every corner. and the way the cool wind calms my nerves. when i was young, my mom taught me to say a little prayer at every heavy rain. she said the angels bring the rain, and may bring back your deepest prayers with them. its such a comforting thought, and maybe, for that reason, the rain has always seemed comforting, no matter what hassle it may cause sometimes.

Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.
-Langston Hughes

i was supposed to blog abt graduation day, but i guess i'll push that later for another entry. oh, and i nearly forgot. happy gilmore day =)

definition

2005-10-16T12:36:00.000+08:00

firefox pwns ie!

2005-10-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

thanks to silly maggie and naz, i had to open ie to view their blogs. and got attacked by bloody pop-ups.

and this layout is so fugly in ie. the whole sidebar is somewhere at the bottom. ergh.. the html's screwed up.

welcome to the 21st century. you've got your broadband, now be free of pop-ups and other annoying disasters. use firefox!

cokelat!

2005-10-09T20:05:00.000+08:00

nothing like being home alone with nutella to free your mind. finally, everyone's out of the house. being in a house full of people constantly barging into your room , and later, knocking loudly on the door if you've locked it (they just dont get it), can really push you off the edge when you're in one of these anti-social moods. the kind where you can rip out all your hair the minute someone calls out your name. sharing a space with a sister in an equally destructive, losing it every 5 minutes state can cause problems. it gives a new meaning to clashing personalities.

but who cares? i have the house to myself for the next 2 hours!

2005-10-04T14:54:00.000+08:00

yay.. handphone back =)

i feel like a lime

2005-10-02T20:25:00.000+08:00

lime one. in the national library elevator with addy on friday.
lime two. fanana wore a lime green nike shirt yesterday.
lime three. my sister bought lime juice today.

i had a lime weekeend!

i miss my handphone. dammit.

seconds click and flash

2005-09-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

this is just a quick update before i disappear completely. most impt news, my handphone is dead. argghh! was trying to be smart and punching weird numbers into the pin numbers of my phone. somehow i got too far, and couldnt just press the red button to close the application. so the very smart me kept on entering combinations of numbers and suddenly it said.. "sim card rejected." and so that was it. the end. and i couldnt get any other phone to read the sim card either. hopefully i'll get out of this with my phonebook still intact. will be a total bummer if i lost all of it. so that's it folks, for the time being i'll be floating and lost without my handphone. rarrrr!

in the process of getting back my prelim results. not happy.

anw, have a lot of homework to get done over the weekend, esp the utopian lit books. abt 36 more days. woohoo.. in the meantime i'll have to be disciplined and click next the minute oasis' the importance of being idle comes on. like now.

hmm.. listening to let there be love now. its such a sweet song. such an aki song, haha..

the weather is calm
as you sail up your heavenly stream
suspended clear in the sky
are the words that we sing in our dreams

see what i mean? =D

let there be love

2005-09-21T20:51:00.000+08:00

hah, iago's the original Survivor villain. outwit, outplayed, outlast. well, nearly.

anyway,

is it just a self centered teenage thing? being better at beating yourself down than bringing yourself up?

its not. its just that teenagers are generally shortlived. they have passion, fire, but they all only last for a while. they tend to dwell on the unhappy and depressing parts of life altho' things may actually seem better than they are.
the only problem they have is procrastination. if u think abt it, if we never procrastinated and did all the work when we were supposed to, it'd never have been that way.
thats why perhaps adults are slightly better. cos they've passed thru' this stage and learned from it. we're still learning. and we still have to learn.
i mean. i don't know. sometimes we get so angry at ourselves, and we look back one day, and realise how silly we were. and hopefully we shall pick ourselves up and realise that every day CAN be a new and good day if only we want it to.

thank you maggie. brought up my morale again. =)

(edit:the maygalai says:
wait
the maygalai says:
u need to say I TOLD U THAT
akki // im running to somewhere i cant get to says:
i did credit it to you. i said thank you
the maygalai says:
NO NO
the maygalai says:
ppl will think that
the maygalai says:
u jus suddenly say thank u to me
the maygalai says:
NO NO NO
the maygalai says:
I DEMAND recognition!)

come on baby blue
shake up your tired eyes
the world is waiting for you...
let there be love

barely a breath but the year's gone by..

2005-09-21T20:34:00.000+08:00

building up your morale day after day and getting it all crushed by 11 the following day. where's that spirit again?

and the drilling goes on

2005-09-15T15:17:00.000+08:00

it hasnt stopped. they've been bloody drilling for the past four hours.

im starting to imagine scenes involving drills, the contractors, the unknown neighbours upstairs, and lots and lots of blood. and preferably, some of unattached limbs strewn among the sand and dust in the unfinished apartment upstairs. then obviously, it'll be quiet.

ergh.

i have a bad habit of clenching my teeth and grinding it, even when im not doing anything stressful. these past few days , i've started to bite my bottom lip while doing the exams. it's not a conscious action, just a reaction when im thinking. im paying for it now. the inside of my bottom lip has sores. i stuck ice in it, putting right on the sore and pulling the lip over my teeth to keep the ice in place, but now its swollen. its puffy. puffy like eyebags and it hurts. but the more it hurts, the more i bite down bcos the pain feels nice. its never going to go away.

they're drilling drilling drilling...

2005-09-12T16:24:00.000+08:00

right into my head.

today. strike two -> out.

its gilmore-cookie day!

2005-08-28T12:09:00.000+08:00

every sunday's a gilmore-cookie day!

haha.. it sounds so much like a tv ad, so freaky. anw, the weekend's alnmost over.. again! hmm.. i've spend the better half of the week 'blowing my brains out' as kak dora would say, and i think my hearing's severely affected.

maggie's making fun of me bcos of my lack blog entries. she says the previous entry's nice but entries should be longer and have more pictures. booey, i should have hinted for a digicam somewhere for my birthday :D i think i'll start working in dec, the minute the a's are over. i think i'll spend my first paycheck on a cammie. i'm bad at saving, so i think i'll buy one as fast as i can...

i think i think i think...this is fast becoming quite a sad entry. booey..

oh, oh.. i saw this on that british car programme last night and thought that it was the cutest thing..

the first thought that came to mind was bob the builder driving it around. its such a happy pickup isnt it? too bad its not up for mass production.

this is such a random entry. its gilmore cookie day. its one o'clock. gilmore's at six fifteen. i think im going to have a cookie. i having a craving for bubble tea.

good morning starshine! the earth says hello!

2005-08-26T22:25:00.000+08:00

and hello, hello, hello! its now 359 days to my next birthday! -grins-
anyway, i owe my friends and nabs a real entry abt my birthday. the darlings totally made my day last sat.

let's go chronological order :

Effa and Sheena! thank you for dragging me out so bright and early in the morning. even through all the whining, i have to admit that spending a morning with johnny depp and chocolate is a wonderful way to spend a morning =) and that very much needed wallet, yay! (haha! see, i should always give hints abt birthday presents! :D)

Nabilla! hmph.. you made me wait for an hour at borders! booey. but i forgive you, bcos of the pretty pretty charm bracelet that i've wanted for a long time. this one's terrific! and the pretty kitty notebook too =) oh, and the lunch at anatolia, hehe.. that was fun.

and... to Addy and Fanana! thank you so much for the balloons and lava lamp. it was such a wonderful surprise ; walking into my dark bedroom, wondering what sort of creature's heads were floating on top of my bed, switching on the lights and seeing.. balloons! the star one is still floating (it endued my brother hitting it), and my lava lamp, im still entertained -can still stare at it for hours on end.

imran and zai - thank you for the tweety pillow and the winnie the pooh. stretched my brithday for more than a day, yay! it all makes me happy =)

and to everyone else - maggie, shama, kavitha (thank you for the msges on the card), hijanah and khai thank you for the birthday wishes!

and.. i think that is it. i dont think i missed out anyone else.. its so nice to think of my birthday after such a sad day. fanana's so puzzled over how im so happy abt my birthday, bcos she's never seen anyone so happy on their birthday. i think part of the reason is that i've always felt so absurdly special on my birthday, im not sure how to explain it, or why it happens, but it does. maybe it was all those sweet valley books and such, where they always had such nice birthdays, and i somehow adopted the whole bubbly attitude towards it. or maybe its just a mental thing, bcos i gear myself up for my birthday the whole year, i always feel happy no matter what happens, even if the birthday might pale in comparison to another person's birthday. maybe its just that for one whole day, im so contented, and i feel so loved. maybe that's why.

that was something of a minute's musings. gp paper today was so demoralising. my essay was terrible.. bahh.. two weeks to the rest of the prelim papers. funny how at this stage, i feel so empty when i'm not studying.. must be the guilt, heh (see maggie? i am studying). im recovering from the flu, but i lost my voice, booey. ohwells, orwell. orwell, sloman and waugh.. here i come!

(akki re-reads the last sentence. omg.. lameness..-shakes head-)

National Day

2005-08-14T11:41:00.000+08:00

met up at city hall. dinner at marina. fireworks at the esplanade. coffee at citylink.

Our Music Room

2005-08-13T13:37:00.000+08:00

The Music Room

A place where we can sometimes see people's intellectual level drop down to the minimum. Or suddenly talk in this shouting tone as if the room was the size of the hall and we were all at seperate corners. Other times its full of interesting discussions over things that make little sense (like animal language) which can only create two reactions : one of annoyance or one of laughter.

We've listened to music (Sting's Fields of Gold), watched Bollywood songs (the madhuri dixit song Chori Ke .. smth), BBC's Antony and Cleopatra and Othello, as well as something called THE WEREWOLF. I never watched the whole thing if not i might have died altho' its not that freaky.

Other times, we learn about new animals like KOKODILES and how to pronounce the word "whore" - and other times, its actually possible to hear fellow music roomers in some kind of trance making animal noises. It is a fairly common occurence to hear poor eyesighted people penning down important information while listening to others mouth the words from the whiteboard. Perhaps 15 years down the road, one of us could be charged with manslaugher for killing the children of two highly intellectual individuals because they might actually be MORE irritating than their parents.

Ah, and yes. Individuality. Music room also is the place where we discuss about humanity, religion, sex (the use of it not anything else!) - all in all - Human Nature. Or how God's voice once sounded, and Mr Singh said - If thats the voice of god, i rather go to hell. =D

And of course - Mr Singh's Ingenius Sayings

1. On a general group of people - "People who are like lalang, whichever way the wind blows, they go. They have NO backbone."
2. On those who do not contribute to anything -"These are those who are just a waste of space on this planet"
3. On the intellectual capabilty of his literature students - "Stupidity finds new depths"
4. On our essay writing skills - "Please write essays as if you belong to this planet'
5. On the origin of chocolate - "Chocolate is a vegetable 'cos its comes from cocoa"
6. On the definition of Utopia- "Utopia is a Victorian comedy about bored housewives"
7. The most classic one, my all time fav -" I ask you what 2+2 is, and you draw me a map of a giraffe"

How can one not like the Music Room? Our Music Room. =)

Taken from maggie's blog.nicely done mags, haha. killing the children of two highly intellectual individuals because they might actually be MORE irritating than their parents. muahhahahaha.. the two deserve each other.

she forgot to add in the black sofa in the music room which we loved to sit on during tutorials until Ms G and Mr Mark Tan told horror stories about how certain male seniors in the past used to sit there and rub their sweaty pe-attire clad backs on the sofa. one reaction - ewwwwww. exactly. so, we dont sit there anymore. =)

and then there's the freezing cold utopian lit tutorials which sets hungry tummies rumbling. the rumbles and grumbles which could be heard on the other side of the room (sparking giggles and stares), and all the owner could do was to simply sit there and wish time would hurry up.

we discuss, laugh and gossip. from shakespeare to thomas more. from human nature to rationality. from discussion of the sea and swords to men and eggs.i think some of the nicest times in school are in the music room.

2005-08-07T16:28:00.000+08:00

haha, high time for a new entry. fasting today, so that's four more days to go. its roughly a month to ramadan? not much eid celebrations this year.. booey..

not been doing much all day, waiting for six o clock to come to watch gilmore girls. haha, gg makes sundays rock, yeah fana? =)

anw, a quick update : wells, not so much really. have had a few tests so far, that ive not really taken seriously -guilty-

ms g's back, which is really great =) really missed her humor and her anecdotes in class. she brings so much energy, things were so different when she wasnt around.

oh, and we celebrated mdm saadiah's birthday! it was a pretty big surprise, and i think she was about to cry. we found out later that we're her first class to celebrate her birthday bcos she's kept it a secret from all of her students. kept trying to ask who told us abt it too, but we wouldnt tell =) it was really fun though. ran over to kovan with zai to get a card for her, and i still rememeber natalie running into class with a big white bag full of the toll house cookies from the cafe.

so that's pretty much the most interesting things since the last entry. other than that, its pretty much the same old same old. zai's still cracking lame jokes ( ive given up the tickling thing for now), maggie's still tripping everywhere, fana's still curly, kavi's still tall and addy's still the funniest girl around. the only new thing i think, is shama's new infatuation with maggie. she's taken to rubbing maggie's leg with her own during breaks. (i think maggie's going to kill me for saying that, hahaha)

oh oh, and maggie got new shoes yesterday. nice red new balance ones from queesntown. zaiton has pretty much explained the entire day, save for some i added in the comments section. =D

oh, oh and you know what else is new? effa's birthday on the 21st of this month! and the day before that, mine! -grins shamelessly-

and and and, i need to watch charlie and the chocolate factory!

Happy SRJCians Day

2005-07-20T22:18:00.000+08:00

we came, we saw, we laughed, we screamed, we ran , we got third, we cheered, we hugged, we danced, we carried adleen up for pitcure, we took more pictures, we laughed some more, we dined and finally we left.

Happy SRJCians Day.

one fine day

2005-07-05T20:34:00.000+08:00

what : lunch
where : coffeeshop outside school
who : addy, aki, maggie, zaiton

ONE

zaiton : my prata has pimples!
(addy, aki, maggie - huh?)
aki : (mdm) saadiah has pringles?
maggie : that guy has sprinklers?
addy : kavitha's wearing sneakers?
zaiton : noooo! my prata has pimples!

*TWO (a few minutes later)

maggie : akiii!! ah pek! ah pek! ah pek! (starts bouncing up and down)
aki : huh? (wide-eyed stare)
addy : (turns to zaiton) i told you the girl next to me is weird! she's starting to spasm now!! and she has a fetish for coffeeshop ah peks!!

THREE (a few more minutes later)

zaiton : (laughing) im laughing so hard i cant eat properly. the milo's going to spurt out of my nose any moment!
maggie : i knoow! i know! it goes up to your nose and it comes out and it hurts so much but you can't stop laughing (starts wild hand gestures) and you laugh some more and it ends up in a headache!
addy : i TOLD YOU she is WEIRD!

FOUR

maggie : (laughing) addy! i really should have you around more often! esp when my face is black then-
addy : your face is black!

FIVE

zaiton : eh, that woman's bra strap isn't put properly
addy : what?
zaiton : BRA STRAP!
addy : oh, incidentally i cant see it thru her (maggie's) head you noe.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later, in lit lecture -A&C

mr r. : we went thru how to spell whore didnt we?
addy : m..a..y..g..a..l..a...erm..i! right?

2005-07-02T17:21:00.000+08:00

so the week really wasnt that bad after all. that hardest part was trying to get to sleep by two am, waking up at six thirty and be functioning throughout the twelve hour days. but by friday, i was pretty much into whole timetable already i think.

during one gp lesson when mr chacko had just reminded us that we'll only be together for the next 3-4 months :

maggie : will you still remember me?
me : will you still love me if you cant see me anymore?
maggie : the same answer you'll give to my question
me : ok then, yes =)

how sweet =) if the second line sounds familiar, its from kt tunstall's other side of the world.and so yes, finally feeling a bit too close to the end.

im really going to miss classes, teachers and especially, my girls' room girls. im still the pres ok? -winks-

and so it is...

2005-06-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

the end of this precious june hols. -looks at the mountain of books, papers and file and starts weeping-

ive not packed my bag, dont know the timetable for tomorrow, dont know where it is and right now, i dont want to know.

chronic depression because of school. i think school induces severe trauma. correction, singapore schools.

resident evil = live in desert. hahaha! oh god, i cant believe i just found that anagram! but... cool eh? sigh, the geography-ness in the student struggling to get out. oh no!

absurd, i know. but anything to prolong getting up to get ready for school. i cant think of any more slogans or one liners, so the series of stickies stopped at three. series of stickies stopped at three... oooh... alliteration!! yay!

this is a waste of time. but i am oh so not looking forward to tomorrow.

oh, did anyone watch Trading Spouses on ch 5 last friday? didnt david norton look like bo bice, say, twenty years down the road? and he sings too! hahaha.. such an out of the blue thought.

sighness... i just realised that with the hols-caused insomnia, i might not be able to fall asleep till around two. and i cant wake up at eleven tomorrow morning either. sadness.

oh, and im pretty ~~peeved~~ irritated that im wearing a diferent ear stud on each ear. my sister dropped one flower ear stud in the kitchen last week, and mummy would have problably vacuumed it away by now. i have a thing abt symmetrical things, or at least things that match.

now, i should stop. i am bored. i cant sleep. and hell, i am so not ready for school.

hmm.. what if i take early leave during lunch, skip gp and pe, and use my free gv ticket and watch batman begins? hahaha.. as if.

ok. aqilah will stop. aqilah, out.

yeah, the world is still sleeping
while i keep on dreaming for me

quizzes and such

2005-06-19T10:54:00.000+08:00

Post your six current favorite songs, something about each song, then pass it on to six other people.

breathe in now - george
i still dont know who george is but i love the lyrics to this song.

i suppose that moving on paints a new colour for each day
i dont like to see dreams put on the shelf...
Cause i only have one second, this minute today.
Can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now,
And so this moment i just have to sing out loud,
I say i love i like and breathe in now,
And say i love i live and breathe in now.

this kiss - faith hill
it has such an upbeat mood and happy tune, almost dreamy. =)

to the end - my chemical romance
the perfect song to blur everyone and everything out when you just cant stand the world bcos you can just lose yourself in it . better than linkin park, haha.

adia - sarah mclachlan
its the one i always listen to when im really down. the haunting tune resonates the same feeling. almost as if she's in trouble too and she understands.

it's easy, we all falter, what does it matter?

speed of sound - coldplay
the song's new but it became a damn stubborn earworm. ive been listening to it at the aol music channel and its another coldplay classic. im still trying to break into what the lyrics mean. oh when you listen to it you'll understand, yes?

inside your heaven & vehicle - bo bice
i listen to both back to back and on repeat. =) bo bice rocks, period.

im passing this to :
Syafiqah, Nabilla, JiaJie, Fanana, Maggie and (enter your name).

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

What are the keys to your heart?

major chocolate cravings

2005-06-12T20:14:00.000+08:00

this blog has too many pictures and too little real posts. haha, a real change from what it used to be a year ago. today's pic spam is from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. These two below are two of the american posters :

and this one is the french poster :

i like the french one more, probably because you get to see more of willy wonka's character in that pose. effa prefers the american ones though. wonder if its the hat =). i have a feeling i'll be watching this movie more than once, lols, esp since its coming out near my birthday. -hints-
=)

ive been spending too much time watching Depp's movies, and beginning to turn into a real fan. After sucuumbing to tempation, i found myself at the video store yesterday searching for a Sleepy Hollow vcd. When i walked over to the counter to rent it, the woman looked at it and then asked me, " We have Finding Neverland too. Have you seen it? It has Johnny Depp too. Do you want it?" As i furiously shooked my head (before my mind could scream "yes! yes! i want everything with him in it!") , i wondered if my obsession was becoming a tad too obvious. Especially after considering the fact that it was the first time i'd ever been to that store to rent a movie. nabilla will roll her eyes and laugh when she hears this. haha =)

only here

2005-06-08T17:58:00.000+08:00

Wear Black on 1 July for a cause

"1st July 2005 - A BLACK DAY FOR COMMUTERS

We urge all S'poreans to wear Black on 1 July to register their displeasure at the public transport fare hike, and also ERP charges. We wear Black because mere words cannot express our disappointment. We have become speechless at this administration which time and again choose to ignore public feedback. We want to make our silence visible."

nice. now if only i can stop seeing the people which makes up this administration rubbing their hands together and gleefully looking forward to their fat paychecks, and barely blinking at any of this. how bloody irritating. -inserts msn eyeroll here-

The Musical Baton

2005-06-08T17:27:00.000+08:00

got this from nabs quite, erm, some time ago. heh. so nabs, here it is :

Total volume of music files on my computer:

2.17GB - 730 files

The last CD I bought was:

American Idiot - Green Day

Song playing right now:

The Other Way - Weezer

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

Adia - Sarah Mclachlan
Everybody's Changing - Keane
Flowers in the Window - Travis
Nobody's Listening - Linkin Park
Something Beautiful - Robbie Williams

Five people to whom I'm passing the baton to:

Anyone who wants it

cool shoes

2005-06-03T19:52:00.000+08:00

what a silly question that was. the answer obviously is Mr Depp. hmm..
he always has that expression in his eyes, as if he cant comprehend the
fools that dress him up and take pictures of him, always that 'when
will this be over' look. he does look much more relaxed here with kate winslet.
they look tired, but it doesnt seem as painful. he has such nice shoes.
reminds me of the boots that the Hardy Boys used to wear.

I've been far from doing anything resembling work ever since the
mid-years ended. cant help feeling as if im trying to hide from all of
it somehow. its painfully draining to feel like nothing more than
storage boxes to be filled up.

she's calling again. i cant stand it. rarrrrrrr!! -takes a deep breath, and turns away-

official cd single cover

2005-06-02T19:11:00.000+08:00

can anything else scream hot after this?

clear to make space

2005-06-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

i need to file all of these pronto! *takes another look* erghh... later.

I treat my books much better. they have a bookcase to sleep in.

the end of one, and the start of another

2005-05-28T13:19:00.000+08:00

We'd stopped and laid our bikes on the ground. She looked at us and said, "Did I ever tell you about the two suns?"
Hepzibah was always telling me and Mike one of her folktales from Africa, which we devoured. We shook our heads and plopped down on the ground beside her, ready for another one.
"Over in Africa the Sonjo used to say one day two suns will rise," she told us. "One sun would come from the east, and one sun would come from the west. And when they meet at the top of the sky, that would be the end."
I looked at Mike, and he looked at me. She didn't usually tell stories like this. I waited for more, for the rest of the tale, but, remarkably, she was finished.
"You mean the end of the world?" Mike said.
"I just mean that everything ends eventually. The two suns are always rising somewhere. That's part of life. Something ends, and then something else will begin. You understand?"

Sue Monk Kidd, The Mermaid Chair

Find yourself up against another brick wall

2005-05-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

a double disappointment from finals on the other side of the world. ac milan lost to liverpool and bo bice lost to carrie. boooey. i could rant and rant abt how unfair it is, but... it wont change a thing. so i'll move on. It was Sports Day today, and Draco won! wooohooo! and i finally got something from SR worthy of keeping, a medal for getting first in tug-of-war. hahaha =)

there's gotta be more to life, than chasing down every temporary high....

ive still not told her anything yet. i know i cant keep pushing it back, the bloody thing is tomorrow after all, but i have absolutely no energy to be at the receiving end of her rantings and self pity and the guilt she tries to induce into me. my mind's been playing simulations of the entire thing, and it leaves me exhausted everytime.

it is annoying that i cant move past this properly until she knows.

wonder if i really do need some sort of emotional recharge, or if i should just get a life.

I, wanna be inside your heaven,
Take me to the place you cry from,
When the storm blows you away,
I, wanna be the arms to hold you,
Every bit of air your breathing in, a soothing wind,
I want to be inside your heaven

charlie's dad screws caps on toothpaste tubes

2005-05-24T14:50:00.000+08:00

-beams- my favourite still from the movie so far. i just love love love the picture. Depp Daily has the picture in wonderful depp dimensions and you can see every bit of the detail of the set clearly. =)

because i think it rained last night...

2005-05-22T19:09:00.000+08:00

and because i cant write it the way she can

funny you should mention rainy nights, because i absolutely love those. when you're already in bed and you're awoken by a thunderstorm, how delicious it is to just burrow in further under the covers and smile to yourself as you drift off back to sleep. and if you're still up, don't you notice the change in the air? i love to stick my head out of the window and take a really deep breath once the rain's started. the air's so much cooler, and it feels lighter somehow - as if the skies, having lightened their load, can now lighten ours too.

i was bloghopping when i found this. beautiful isnt it? especially the last line. i found myself beaming when i read it.

and also because i think it rained while i was lost in Chocolat on tv

hence,

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

there's nothing much up yet, other than the trailer and some photos. but the trailer's all fun, so see it. someone told me that it'd be out in august, so yay! i'll be waiting =) and oh, my birthday's in august too.=)=)

chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum i hate the most

its weird that im caught up in all these when the entire world is enthralled with Star Wars. feels a bit wrong, really, but ive never watched a single episode of any star wars movie, so while i can appreciate the whole new trilogy and everything, i really cant, erm, get into it. so i'll stay here happy in this Johnny Depp filled week.

wonderwall 2

2005-05-22T12:09:00.000+08:00

must be the time of the month or something. just wondering about the complete nothingness that seems to be my life. i must have some sort vortex somewhere that seems to suck in all happy and positive everythings to complete nothings. and that line alone makes me feel completely selfish and blind. i dont know what im searching for. constantly feel as if im trying too hard, searching for the wrong things all the time. that i should just relax, slow down and take in everything, second by second, moment by moment. because some things change too fast for me to catch up sometimes too.

on a lighter note, went to nus fass open house yesterday with farhana and shamani. it was fun, rushing from one lt to another (conquering all the staircases) and taking part in quizzes ( one ocbc file and one oval bookmark =) ) . rushed from the english fac to the geography fac (that crazy quiz - its A its A! nono its E nono B!), got ambushed and pulled into the South Asian Studies (tamil cinema, 2nd PM of India, i know i know i know!) , and snitched refreshments outside the Sociology dept before going over economics introductory lecture (very intimidating) and ending the whole day. it was interesting that all three of us felt most comfortable in the Earth Lab, the Geography faculty room. it was weird that we could almost blend in, and everyone was so easy to talk to and joke around with. so maybe.. hmm..

by the way, the entire time that we were there, we got updates from maggie who misplaced her phone in her own home. tsk tsk.. she found it a few hours later, under her pillow (gasp) =) and at 12.01 pm today, maggie also found her the cover to the usb port of her ipod shuffle.

and its vesak day today! which means its a school holiday tomorrow! mondays arent so bad really, but any monday off is good, and its another day to push back the mid-year results. -cringes-

breathe in now

2005-05-14T20:54:00.000+08:00

found this layout on blogger. i love the header, wished it was slightly bigger. owells... and its pink. haha... feel as if im back somehow. weird -grins-

thinking of dragging nabs down to the esplanade library tomorrow, not sure why. its the first library ive been that has such dark lighting (a totally random observation), and i suppose the last time i was there, i had a splendid time with my sister.

im not really looking forward to going back to the normal school routine, and im not really sure why. it's only (or already?) halfway through may and i feel as if things are wrapping up somehow, that im reaching the end of something. never liked goodbyes, and this is going to be another sad one...

on a lighter note, ive been filling myself with all this junk culture again. im sucked into the whole gilmore girls world, thus the new title of the blog. i want to spend a weekend at the dragonfly with fanana, my partner in crime with whom i rushed back home before 5 to catch the season 4's repeats on channel 5. haha =)

and finally to Sheena - happy 18th birthday tomorrow sweets!

breathe in now - george

I see love and beauty all around,
I also see the sadness thats embedded in your frown.
I wonder why you choose not to talk to those who surround,
I sense a fear of lifting heavy feet, 
higher than you want to, I just want to believe your truth..

you stand there but you do not cast a shadow
you walk away with every word you choose not to say
i suppose that moving on paints a new colour for each day
i dont like to see dreams put on the shelf
to deal with on that one day
i just want to be happy for you

Cause i only have one second, this minute today.
Can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now,
And so this moment i just have to sing out loud,
I say i love i like and breathe in now,
And say i love i live and breathe in now.

I move on holding on to what i learn,
It's time to let go of the notion, 
that the whole world's against me,
Break free of shackles that formed young
time free in now and now i know
its not all up to me, i can count on another
so move on lighter and be free

Cause i only have one second, this minute today.
Can't press rewind and turn it back and call it now,
And so this moment i just have to sing out loud,
I say i love i like and breathe in now,
And say i love i live and breathe in
i believe in for today i just want to know that you're okay
cause i beleive in breathing just for today
i just want to know that you're okay

sick girl sit down

2005-05-13T19:55:00.000+08:00

and weeeeee!!!! my mid-years are over! hahaha.. now, that was a really long week. its been three weeks, 3 days of study leave, 3 A level subjects, 1 AO level subject, 10 different papers and its over. for now. =) and its extremely frustrating when you're nursing sneezing, honking, coughing and feeling like a blockhead the whole time through.

it seems weird to go back to the normal school timetable from next week. seems to be a long time since i've sat down in class for actual lessons. how weird. anyway, was looking through the pictures folder and decided to have a picture entry for today

enjoy =)

2A03 with Ms G!

running away from class.... into the girls' room for a picture.

hmm... not sure what mukti is doing.. =/

2004 Commendation Day.

are we vain yet?

M - A to the Z

see? i study. happy curly hair and me.

3 totally different expressions.. hmmm....

-beams- =)

a HUG for MAGGIE!!!

fananana thinking...

Cleo? Kushie?? kitten bites!

i just couldnt resist putting this picture in. heh. YMCA!!!!

how far is heaven?

2005-05-08T10:29:00.000+08:00

Beauty of the rose you eclipse,
Every bud quietly away slips.
How can the rose compete with you?
Rose shines in moonlight, moon in your grips

me and my increasing fascination with poems by Hafiz, the sufi poet. I'll delve into that one of these days. it seems to feeds these daydreams and wonderings.. and further procrastination.

There isnt much going right now with the exceptions of the mid-year exams, which seems to be dragging on slowly. for next week's schedule, all of them are 3 hour papers in the morning from tuesday to friday. they could have packed it into two days actually, but i have no complaints, it gives me more time to spread out the work for all the last-minute muggings. =)

the papers seem to run on a good-paper-bad-paper-good-paper pattern, and the next paper is utopian lit. yikes! i should get started on those critics, soon. very soon. as in today. =/

its raining. i love rain on sunday mornings, especially the soft rain (as i call it) that falls to the ground with a shimmer and soft pitter-patter. its much more calming to the mind and does not have that annoying humidity of late afternoon showers. on the downside, it makes you want to crawl back into bed for the next two hours. a luxury i shouldnt be considering right now. boo.

anywhere but the bed, and tv and the computer (guilty!) . is it still a wonder that i cant study at home? haha.. i'll drag myself down to the library in half an hour. the rain deceives too, it seems as if it is only eight in the morning when it's nearer to eleven, almost midday. time slipping away again. =(

how far is heaven? i still think its only in your head, especially these days. more often that not, hopeful things just seem to get stuck halfway and then fade away. i just realised that it seems to be a personal problem of mine, and not really reality. caught out twice, the last, yesrterday with nabs. i digress, too easily, hmmm....

never mind..i need to get started on work. by the way, its Mother's Day. =)

ps .to all you silent readers , please use the very redundant comments function too . it makes me sad otherwise.

pps. record number of smilies in one post -grins-

ppps. yes, finally a decent post. havent had one of these in a long time.

Wonderwall

2005-05-03T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

Backbeat the word is on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
about you now

And all the roads we have to walk are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
But I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
But I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe (I said maybe)
You're gonna be the one that saves me (that saves me)

this life

2005-05-03T18:19:00.000+08:00

"You are the only person who knows yourself. You are the only person who knows what is right for you! You are your inner strength."

- "Take It From Me: Life's A Struggle But You Can Win" Erin Brockovich.

oh, this and eveything else. so why cant i seem to understand and believe? or at least not superficially.

on one hand, you're so worried and you want to believe so badly, but then the cynical side rears its head and tells you how extremely exaggerated all this is. a mockery of life within these walls, is it?

but at the end you'll just turn around and laugh. if it works out, that is. rarrr.

an extremely confused state of being.

or maybe im just making things more complicated. over-analysing simple things again.

so.. insecure...

smile like you mean it

2005-04-24T19:43:00.000+08:00

Dreams, aren't what they used to be
Some things, slide by so carelessly

went to the beach yesterday. hadnt been to a beach for more than a year. the last one was with 1s17 last yr in Sentosa.had never been to the beach so late before, after ten.

i missed the feeling. it was so soothing to just stand in the water, listening to the waves crashing slowly upon the shore. such peace to just not think. to simply breathe. to feel free in the wind as it caressed your face. drinking in the full moon. the waves blinking as it responded to the moonlight. being mesmerised by the stars so much you wish you could reach out and pluck one to keep. and all the time half-wishing you could just swim out, be away from everything.

such a wonderful escape even though it was just an hour. such a distinct memory to keep for the week.

Learn to Fly

2005-04-21T01:45:00.000+08:00

-feels accomplished-

skipping prctice wasnt so bad after all. got quite a lot of work done. -grins- and my printer was good and did half of the work too.

running a bit short on time for the UN entry. but im really hoping we'll pull through.

so much hope.. so much hope...

but at least there's something, all these work, rather than feel so empty, disappointed, or worse, both at the same time. and also, im not dreaming, further away each time, and hitting the ground harder every time i come back.

2005-04-20T22:42:00.000+08:00

how strange to feel so alien in your own skin.

2005-04-16T18:50:00.000+08:00

"Even after all this time,
the Sun never says to the Earth,

'You owe Me.'

Look what happens
With a love like that,
It lights up the Whole Sky"

After yesterday's disaster, i was determined to have a good day today and not brood over things of which i have no control over. I hope people will understand, especially when the results are revealed. I have more important things to prepare for, and it would be crucial to make sure that such a thing would not happen again. And i realise my mistakes too, things which i should have done before. It is time to start working and to pay back for all those times this year that i didnt do work.

I've realised that its so much harder to be an adult than to be a teenager. how could anyone say that being a teenager is difficult? It's so easy to simply be immature and throw tantrums, andalways having someone behind you every step of the way. There's practically no worries. It is so much harder to behave like an adult, be rational, admit your mistakes and flaws and act responsibly.

there are so many thoughts running through my head right now, its so difficult to separate them and sort them out. but oh, life is such a journey isnt it? Funny how the bleakest moments of your life are the ones most treasured when you look back upon them.

and finally, Maggie, thanks for a wonderful afternoon. =) exploring housing estates in Hougang, talking about GP , eating pancakes with two forks or two knives and later, the rojak and mee goreng. -grins- and yes, how could I forget? the First Potato reached England in 1786 =)

Fade to Black

2005-04-15T17:55:00.000+08:00

i suppose the day i grow up will be the day that i stop screwing things up and stop disappointing them. when i stop dreaming and respond to all these reality checks and actually do something right for once. do something without screwing up. and maybe finally stop feeling both the disappointment in myself and from them. but im sorry. im sorry bcos ive not done it yet. im still screwing up the little that they expect from me.

im so disgusted. for once, i just wish i could stop screwing up and do something well, and not make them settle for something lesser. Or worse, to make them finally decide that maybe they should have lower expectations. especially when i know i can do a lot better.

a double blow to be so disappointed with yourself and also to know how disappointed they will be of you.

just for once. just to do something well and not screw up. meet their expectations. make them proud.

Harry Potter crazy

2005-04-11T18:40:00.000+08:00

I want Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!

was playing around with the idea of placing an order for the book during the weekend. i'd feel very guilty for reading it, but i'll spend only TWO DAYS MAX reading it. really. then i'll go back to More and Shakespeare. really.

was delighted that Wikipedia has such a range of links and pages about Harry Potter. such a nice surprise. =)

Harry Potter in Wikipedia

How could JK Rowling be so mean and release her books on both my O and A levels years? such irrestible temptation! hahaha! =)

should stop giving in to all these distractions. bahhh. exams exams exams.

the guilt that immediately flows through the minute you get distracted, and your mind screams at you to move on. such a reality check. still a good one i suppose, even if it may take slightly the bit of fun of all these guilty pleasures.

these days : FOCUS.~~PROCRASTINATION.~~

2005-04-10T17:18:00.000+08:00

since we're already here with teh funny comic strips. i loved

january's series of the jason's adventure with snow. heres one :

Buses & Trains

2005-04-07T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hello, hello! Hola!
I'm at a place called Vertigo!
Donde esta?
But don't confuse me for Aqilah!
Coz it's Nabilla who is typing!
I can feel....feeeeeeeeeeeel!

Owee! How's that, Aqilot?
I'm asked by her to hijack her blog...and contribute a happy post.
But I'm feeling woooozy because sitting in front of the brightly lit computer screen for 5 hours is never a good thing.

Since my brain has turn to mush due to inactive neurons, I believe bits of stolen stuffs which makes me laugh (and thus, contribute to that 'happy' element) will make this a happy, happy post.

Firstly, a random journal I chanced upon. Here is an excerpt of his entry:

Oh, and the founder/director of our school (oh dear, one of these days I will have to dedicate a post to her. She is QUITE the amazing/insane/senile/intimidating/evil/absolutely fantastic character.) gave us a little speech today. She cracked quite a few jokes, and anyone who has ever been in the same room as me knows that I laugh quite loudly to anything...

Anyhoo... She was talking about the relative unimportance of the bac in our lives. OK, I agree with that much, I suppose. She then jokes about how teachers taunted her to no end, stressing her to do very well. Everyone laughs at her impersonations. Great, funny, great, she's laughing too. And then she starts crying.

At this point, my initial response was to identify this as an extension of her bizarre sense of humour... I'm on the verge of laughing, until I realise that she was indeed not joking, and was REALLY crying. Everyone in the room literally goes:

XD :D :|

ending in a very strange, awkward silence, accentuated by the swallowing of laughter.

"MA COPINE QUI N'AVAIT PAS EU LE BAC, BEN MAINTENANT ELLE EST A LA TETE D'UN DES PLUS GRANDS HOPITAUX A PARIS!!! ET MOI?! MOI QUI A EU LE BAC SANS PROBLEME?!? REGARDEZ MOI, JE SUIS ICI, JE NE FAIS RIEN." *dries tears*

rough english translation
"MY FRIEND WHO DIDN'T PASS THE BAC (this series of exams. oh lord, what an understatement.), WELL NOW SHE IS AT THE HEAD OF ONE OF THE BIGGEST HOSPITALS IN PARIS!!! AND ME?! ME WHO PASSED THE BAC WITHOUT ANY PROBLEM?! LOOK AT ME, I'M HERE, I DON'T DO ANYTHING."

or something to that extent. it was just weird.

So anyway, moral of the story? Don't pass the French Baccalaureate, otherwise you will grow up to be a senile old woman who wears dark red lipstick!

Owee Aqilot! Didya laugh? Coz I was chuckling to myself, it's the cutest thing ever! And and and, get this - the guy is half-italian & half-japanese!! And he supported the Azzurris from what I read! Doesn't this make you happy??? =D (As a sidenote, the Azzurris' World Cup qualifying rounds consists of relatively easy teams so if they can't get it right this time round, I'm gonna personally spank them! Grr.)

Aqilot! Reading comics makes you happy right? What more when it comes to Calvin & Hobbes and Foxtrot! So uhh...happy away!

This marks the end of the Happy Hijack. A throbbing headache and a lazy mind devoid of even an ounce of creativity characterises this failed pursuit.

And here's some wise words from Dr. Seuss:

So be sure when you step,
Step with care and great tact.
And remember that life's a Great Balancing Act.
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed)
Kid, you'll move mountains!

So long, farewell! Remember to climb ev'ry mountain kids!

PS. CONSTANTINE SUCKS!!! I mean seriously, what are all these girls thinking?!?! They totally bought into his whole "looks-longingly-at-the-camera-pouting-like-there's-no-tomorrow-
till-their-tvscreens-smoulder" routine! GRR.

2005-03-27T17:33:00.000+08:00

the lovely bones by alice sebold

Inside the now globe on my father's desk, there was a penguin wearing a red-and-white striped scarf. When I was little my father would pull me into his lap and reach for the snow globe. He would turn it over, letting all the snow collect on the top, then quickly invert it. The two of us watched the snow fall gently around the penguin.
The penguin was alone in there, I thought, and I worried for him. When I told my father this, he said, "Don't worry, Susie; he has a nice life.He's trapped in a perfect world."

so much irony. i should write more about it. all those themes and discussions from utopian lit classes rushing to the back of my mind everytime i read this, all just itching to be explored.

edited - friday, 1 april 2005

Emptiness is nothing you can share

2005-03-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

at the receiving end of her insecurities.

maybe its true. maybe its my fault for painting that perfect picture of how things should be and clinging on to it till now.

how do i let go? how do you even start to let go?

She's falls apart no one there
Hold her hand it seems to disappear

enclosed in a vacuum

2005-03-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

I looked over at the kitchen wall. I looked at the paint, and it struck me that between that paint and the kitchen wall there had to be a space of some sort - even if it was a millionth of an inch thick. I tried to imagine being in a microscopic spacecraft, digging into that paint, searching for that secret charmed space. Perhaps it only exists as a concept, but maybe it's real, too. But I suppose to hunt for it is to kill it. You can feel it surround you, feel it cover you, feel it make you whole.

- Eleanor Rigby by Douglas Coupland

one minute ramblings

2005-03-18T20:09:00.000+08:00

the feelings so full of intensity you think that they'll never leave. that they'll continue dragging their sharp edges and you'll continue bleeding, continue the hurt bcos you want it so much. it wont stay that way. the longing will go away, no matter how long the question hangs in the air. but maybe, ten yrs down this wandering road, you'll understand why it didnt happen, why it couldnt and why there are better, more wonderful circumstances in store.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

things always seem much better when you look back. once that stage of life is over and you look back and you feel... nostalgic. that it would be nice to maybe relive it one day. but then, you seem to forget, time and again, that the problems were still there, the veiled fights, the emptiness, the hate. perhaps then it wasnt so bad, perhaps then you were able to handle it better. or maybe it was because the younger you were, the more possibilities there were of things you wished could have happened.

as the years passed, they didnt really come true. but you keep thinking, keep believeing that no matter what happened, you always were put in the best situation that you could ever be in, that to learn from what placed you in that situation was crucial. but things never seem to go your way, and the hate grew stronger, situations grew worse and you never expected them to deteriorate that way. god knows what you expected, maybe the same things you could handle. but how you? you arent the only one that is changing, they are too.

so is this growing up?

wrong half of the night

2005-03-11T01:40:00.000+08:00

Useless Hero says:
how goes it?

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
hello

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
how goes it?

Useless Hero says:
yeah, how's your day so far?

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
oh.. it was fine.. just another one of those days where you drift aimlessly, and suddenly the day's over

Useless Hero says:
like a jellyfish

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
jellyfish..? hmmm

Useless Hero says:
yeah, it lets the ocean do all the work, just sort of drifts

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
ahhh.. and it stings those who come into contact with it

*`[akki] once you smile, nobody knows. bcos everything's back to normal. of course. says:
how fitting

midnight ramblings.. misery loves company. right?

2005-03-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

hmm..
rant rant rant rant.

actually had a nice day today. went out with sheena and effa. it was nice even though i was tired. bcos i was comfortable. known them for a long time and there wasnt any need to, to do anything. it was the most relaxed day i had in a long time.
lemony snicket was wonderful too.

but then i went back to the house. every single second feels like the calm before the storm.

im officially going nuts, i know. but who cares anymore if i dont?

the anger and hate is going to eat me up and i'll die before i do anything on that wishful list.

im despicable ignorant tactless horrible. look down on me.

im too tired for any questions. i'll just ride this out the way everything ends in the end.

but i'll go to school and smile. and then things will be over. bcos things will be back to normal and i'll be okay once again. of course. mmhmmmm..

2005-03-06T03:10:00.000+08:00

such a personal post. skip this if you're happy. i wouldn't want to intrude and burst your happy bubble.

i hate her. sometimes i hate her so much, i wish she'd just die.

i was there all ready to blog about something happy. that maybe there was hope after all and i just had to look up.

but she'd started screaming. at such a horrible hour to scream. pushing out every inch of hate that she could out of that body. ranting and screaming so that she would feel better even if nothing was ever solved. her weapon of destruction to make her feel in control.

i hate her lies too. she'd never behave that way around people she cares.

and i sat in my room, the door locked and i'd switched on everything i could to drown out the posion and to separate myself from it.

how.. interesting then, at the exact moment i was plugged into jane's addiction, watching the characters on tv move and willing myself to disappear, that i saw Richie, on tv, slash his arms with a razor. it couldnt have come at a more perfect time. a time where i couldnt have been more vulnerable. bcos then, i.. i remembered. i remembered everything so vividly, i could have been doing it.

the scars on his arms were fake , but the scars in mine certainly arent.

i miss my sister. but what for? on hindsight i'd rather be with her right now than where i am. selfish reasons? i have images of that woman in my mind ranting her hate the same way but isolated, in a padded white room, away from anyone who could be inflicted with the same pain , away from anyone who cared.

such a personal post.

but its my blog and i'll write whatever i want on it. i'll be alright. the world could come crashing down on me right now, but i'd be expecting it, wouldnt i?

2005-03-04T22:32:00.000+08:00

where's that strength of spirit?

or maybe i should ask what it is first.

hmm... its crunch time again, but i feel weaker than ever.

all those saturdays with mardiana two years ago, having tuition, and she was sitting for her a levels (she got straight A's) and was trying to drill into me about being prepared for the mental warfares, it's all coming back to me. it's such a weird feeling to still remember so vividly the lessons and her words..

hmmm...

i need to pick myself up and move on.

there's always excuses and reasons, but none of them matters in the end. i'm actually doing subjects i like for once and if i screw this up, there's nothing to blame.

so why do i feel like this?

2005-02-26T23:29:00.000+08:00

-what boredom does to you- sighs..

society for utopian studies

oooh... *totally intrigued*

but this...

registration for annual meeting.

does it not scream out for mr singh?

Meetings of the Society for Utopian Studies are ideal occasions for intellectual interchange in a co-operative, non-competitive, congenial, and convivial environment.

-nods- okay.

*continues struggling to plan for the 'individual vs society' essay.

procrastinating...

2005-02-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

Minute of Decay

There's not much left to love

Too tired today to hate
I feel the empty

I feel the minute of decay

I'm on my way down now,
I'd like to take you with me
I'm on my way down

The minute that it's born

It begins to die

I'd love to just give in

I'd love to live this lie

I've been to black and back

I've whited out my name

A lack of pain a lack of hope

A lack of anything to say

There is no cure for what is killing me

I'm on my way down

I've looked ahead and saw a

World that's dead

I guess that I am too

The minute that it's born

It begins to die

I'd love to just give in

I'd love to live this lie
I'm on my way down,
I'd like to take you with me...

2005-02-20T13:27:00.000+08:00

finally back on the internet! on broadband! haha..

finally, a decent connection speed. =)

finally, to to slack? to not come home after 11pm, not matter how fun it may be.

evening of hearts night on thurday was fab. i want more of it.

i met 4e1 and other souls ive not seen for more than a year yesterday. everyone said i looked diff, which was weird. they looked different.. hahaa.. miss all of them so much, would probably have stayed the whole afternoon if not for chingay. =(

i want to write so much abt so many things, but i dont feel like writing right now and there's too many things to say.

hmm, so ring me up and i'll tell you lots and lots of stories k? bcos im pretty much stoning right now.

lastly, i want Mr Mark Tan to have a poetry night. I could listen to him reading poem afetr poem for hours. hmm, i'll even pay for it. right JJ?

this is the poem he read on Evening of hearts night. it was wonderful. you understand why poems are meant to be read out.

Saddest poem
by Pablo Neruda

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.

Write, for instance: "The night is full of stars,
and the stars, blue, shiver in the distance."

The night wind whirls in the sky and sings.

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

On nights like this, I held her in my arms.
I kissed her so many times under the infinite sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her.
How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?

I can write the saddest poem of all tonight.
To think I don't have her. To feel that I've lost her.

To hear the immense night, more immense without her.
And the poem falls to the soul as dew to grass.

What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her.
The night is full of stars and she is not with me.

That's all. Far away, someone sings. Far away.
My soul is lost without her.

As if to bring her near, my eyes search for her.
My heart searches for her and she is not with me.

The same night that whitens the same trees.
We, we who were, we are the same no longer.

I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her.
My voice searched the wind to touch her ear.

Someone else's. She will be someone else's.
As she once belonged to my kisses.

Her voice, her light body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.
Love is so short and oblivion so long.

Because on nights like this I held her in my arms,
my soul is lost without her.

Although this may be the last pain she causes me,
and this may be the last poem I write for her.

.....................................................................

2005-02-15T16:36:00.000+08:00

malay class in ending, finally. ive been lying to her non-stop, all those sins, tsk tsk. i just cant like her... hmm...

i'll finally get bb this friday ( i hope!), so i'm slooowly but SURELY coming through. haha.. i'll finally wont feel disadvantaged, lol. i really should count my blessings. feel as if im taking so much for granted these days.

its almost eight weeks in, i need to study properly. start picking up my books and reading them.
all these distractions..

all these silent arguments...

you see the movie, then you'll stop asking why men are stupid. it should actually be men are stupid.
-mr chacko --> black hawk down

im really not all that feminist (or feministic, whatever form may be correct) . I just get frustrated bcos im helpless to do anything abt it. the anger that rise up when i see or hear such a blatant thing that is not supposed to be said or done bcos we are here, now, and its not supposed to be that way.

2005-02-12T22:57:00.000+08:00

escapism

had a great day today. had a lot of fun putting the lit looking backward board together (we have such a happy and colourful board! yay! =) ). then rushed down to borders to meet nabz, fazi and nazri. reached at 2.15? but nazri only came at 3.45, which was irritating, bcos in that time i could have gone home from SR, changed, and gone back to borders. it was extremely weird spending the next 5 hours there in SR skirt and t-shirt. nazrii, you owe me one. adding to the fact that you were only around for an hour before you left for work. grrr... boo.

watched constantine! it was a really cool movie. real escapism, totally agree with adleen. even though we had bad seats, i loved the way the story was put together, keanu's sarcastic lines and especially the end of the movie, which was really funny and showed that the writers themselves werent taking the movie too seriously. lol =) i loved the fact that he was so close to heaven but they decided to put him back on earth, but Lucifer takes out his lung cancer! such a cue to roll my eyes, but it was so unexpected i had a laughing fit in the cinema. rofl

oh! oh! and im so converted!! i'm so in love with That CD Shop in Pacific Plaza. it's so pretty, hehe.. for a better adjective, its really classy . very different, it barely seems like spore and definitely a far cry from MJ and borders. there's black leather everywhere and those cool silver hi tech thinggies which dont only let you listen to songs, but also the first few minutes of dvds as well. oh yes! and they chandeliers!! and the best part is, the prices are, at times, even cheaper than what the normal cd stores offer. the setting is gorgeous. =) im gushing bcos im in love with the shop..

on other matters though, im not sure what it is, whether im finally getting into the school mode or that we are really doing a lot of fun stuff at school bcos im having a much better time now. whatever it is, its definitely great. those dashes of escapism which, just till a week ago, made me more depressed and longing for more.. they dont seem to make 'reality' more daunting now.

im happy =)
and i agree with jonthan that i would have a 2.5 yrs in jc if they let me spend more time in j2. things seem better, and it may not all be becuase of the familiarity.

p/s : saw this book at borders just now and found the title hilarious. A malcolm something just wrote the book Blink:The power of thinking without thinking. *grins* hehehehehe... brings certain pple to mind, hehehe...

2005-02-11T19:56:00.000+08:00

ok, i think im back. let's hear a normal blog entry in a while? haha..

ive got butterflies dancing in my stomach thinking of the gothic lit presentation for the J1s during English Week which is next week. eeeeeeee! in Lt5! and Ms G wont be around. oh dearr...

lilliputians and blefuscans living in islands the size of mr singh's shoes and having a war. (" im shinier! no im shinier! no, im shinier!" "can you imagine his toes fighting with each other?" ) wahahaha.. *rofl*

maggie's group did lit presentation today and the role play was fun. sukmeet didnt seem to have much trouble, his lines mostly consisted of "oie! you stupid woman! why so slow?" and poor maggie got the brunt of it in the first minute. cheers to 2A3 fr having the best lit presentations so far among the classes. =)

i still cant quite follow that werewolves movie that ms g is showing to the lit class. there's so many literary devices, im not even sure what the storyline is.

adleen, immy, JJ and me cuddled up in the dark after class ended to watch Francis Ford Coppola's make of Bram Stoker's Dracula. it was fab albeit the blood and gore and anthony hopkins flinging the heads of the vampire gypsies. well, i suppose keanu reeves was worth it =)

"intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac" , "my english tutors are superhumans"
*sticks out tongue* towards nabilla and adleen. irritating smirks and grins and winks do not need to be seen. i can picture them too clearly in my mind's eye. hahaha..

p/s : im a FIKNATIC! yay! im in the club! expecting m swatch watch any day now. *grins* for the link, go to ultimately me.

2005-02-09T01:07:00.000+08:00

conversation with nabilla. 9 feb. midnight.

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
hope is a waking dream

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
wad does it mean?

the infinite unknown says:
i suppose..it's like waking up to a dream?

the infinite unknown says:
that process in between is the hope..in some ways

the infinite unknown says:
to me at least

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
its that time wehn you just wake up from a dream

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
and there's so many possibilites

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
we're so idealistic

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
are we even real nabz?

the infinite unknown says:
to the point of fatalistic

the infinite unknown says:
heheh we are

the infinite unknown says:
our dreams are quite far-flung in some sense

the infinite unknown says:
but hey...believing that you can actually do things is the first step to success no?

the infinite unknown says:
wont u say that the discovery of science..are like dreamers too? i dream of creating something...SO impossible..but hey they achieve it

the infinite unknown says:
and if it's something so so complex as such can be realised, why cant ours?

the infinite unknown says:
i suppose we just gotta figure it out slowly, even if it means veering off the path of norm and convention

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
and gg through so much insecurities along the way

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
where do we want to end up?

the infinite unknown says:
hmm didnt they say it's the journey that matters, not the destination?

the infinite unknown says:
because quite simply, we'll all end up..dead. to put it crudely

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
ouch

[akki] -there's a life out there for me says:
you just burst the bubble

the infinite unknown says:
hehehe

the infinite unknown says:
nolah..but i suppose...the journey consist of things u'd like...travelling, seeing the world, falling head over heels in love, etc etc

the infinite unknown says:
it's "destinations" u pick up along the way

the infinite unknown says:
as a whole, they make a journey..dont they?

so maybe it does. just wanted to add another dash of optimism that seems to be appearing more and more in this blog. if only i felt the same. i still need to figure what's wrong. why it has stretched this long, since december. and why i still have no idea why im this way. wads wrong akki? but akki has no idea. just feels lost and empty. but craving for something else.

2005-02-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

Doubt that doubt?

We all have those nagging doubts. We have doubts about so many things. We have more doubts than we do positive thoughts. We doubt if we can do this or that and we doubt things automatically.

We've put so many doubts in our minds, and believe them, that doubting now has become automatic. It's time to start doubting those doubts like we doubt everything else. Why not? It works the same way as doubting the other things. Right?

When you have a doubt pop into your mind like, "I can't do that," or "I'm too stupid to do that!" just doubt those doubts. When a doubt pops up saying you cannot do something just say "Why not?" "Why can't I do that?" Keep questioning those doubts. Once you begin doubting and questioning those doubts you will soon have fewer and fewer doubts pop up.

Doubting the doubts goes hand in hand with affirmations. If your doubt says "I can't do that." You can say "Why not? I can do anything I choose to do." See? You doubted the doubt and used an affirmation to replace the doubt. It really does work.

Our thinking/way of thinking affects our experiences, goals, everyday life, our self-confidence, and our self-esteem. Why not question those nasty doubts and make our lives better and more fulfilling?

2005-02-05T23:24:00.000+08:00

im at nabilla's place right now. all the fathers are out having coffee. (hmm, shouldnt we be the one doing that? hmph.. but i still wouldnt go out for another late night mustafa centre outing.

pictures of far-out places. i will go travelling with nabilla one day. yes, we'll head out to morrocco first. =)

now, where's that girl?

2005-02-04T20:30:00.000+08:00

comment feature still not working. just got home an hour ago. i am far from psyched abt the chinese new year performance. i really do feel sick of school.

mrs ting told the clas abt our 'weak learning culture' . reminded us abt the whole A levels thing. which is true. i dont want to have a complete cert but without a place to go. it would be terrible.

and its february. i think ive finally got into the whole routine. january passed in the blink of an eye, but then again, i was probably too stuck on other things to realise.

2a3. hmmm. there's barely any unity? so much bitching, doesnt seem like we're the same people at all.

i never fail to leave ms g's class without awe. there's magic in that class, its really my favourite.

2005-02-01T19:18:00.000+08:00

Is it here yet?

hmmm.. wonder if the haloscan commenting thinggy will work. for some weird reason, this html-challenged girl's blog is unable to feature the comment and title for each entry.

blah....

had GP essay and Silas Marner common test. no creative juices flowing, haha. for some reason, both essays were really short.

school pretty meaningless right now. its just one period to the next. nothing much making any diff. i wonder how im going to turn out after all of this is over. hmm, wonder what i'll think in a year's time.

we're both dreamers, aqilah
- nabilla.

nothing could be more true? im just stuck. halfway between both worlds. if i could choose, the decision couldnt be more obvious.

2005-02-01T10:19:00.000+08:00

Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.

Henry Miller

2005-01-28T10:21:00.000+08:00

i get so bloody irritated with some pple in school. my little outburst in lit tutorial was, i suppose, a a bit funny but

ARRGGGGGHHHHHHHH

*slapslapslapslapslapslapslap*

grr.. like i told effa yesterday, im seeing too little of pple i love and too much of pple i cant stand.

these mood swings are going to be fatal one day.

errghhh!!!!

shld stop making so much noise typing in the library.

sigh.. and now i feel bad abt it.

im WEIRD. that or i need to get a life.

oh,oh. and Adleen has once jumped off a plane at Tokyo Narita. i think.

2005-01-24T19:30:00.000+08:00

Need to improve my VOCABULARY

hmm... yes. i should stop going "boo" and "blerghh" and "bahh".

unless i learn more words, i'll get lower than a C5 for my GP A's. hmmmm.. there it goes, i have to redo the journal one more time. at this rate, i'll never pass up my journal.

mr singh's crack abt me going over to join chinese family to learn chinese, hahah. lolz, so didnt see that coming. mr chacko's latest hallucination is that im a lesbian living with Jiajie. oh, and JJ! woah, her "sparring" sessions with mr chacko during gp class is FAB. hahah... she has so many irritating one-liners. hehe.. shld sit next to JJ mroe often during gp.

and here are my pretty pretty classmates,

oh! oh! oh!
and FANANANANA got discharged from the hospital today! yay! she'll be on a one week MC though.

Quote of the day : Adleen is mentally stimulating
(cackles) coming from one stupid minah.. tsk tsk. you really didnt lose much adleen.

2005-01-21T16:42:00.000+08:00

its hari raya haji!!

lolliesz...

update on my dream presentation yesterday. we LOVE adleen becos of her wonderful slide background which made everything all so pretty. the music room was half dark and everyone sat on the floor huddling which immy told stories. hehehe... and ms g was wonderful! she was so interested in the whole presentation and helped build on JJ's "Raven" interpretation. that was a dream. now if only mr singh was there..

hehe.... btw, thank you so much to sheena for your notes which actually made half of our presentation. *hugs babe* love you lots!!

happy eid-al-adha to everyone!! *muacks*

2005-01-19T21:04:00.000+08:00

i hate it when im so psyched up to write something, and some irritating memeber of this family just comes in to do the lamest and most non-amusing, non-humorous nonsense, and break my train of thought. living in this chauvinistic family for the past seventeen+ years, i wonder why im still surprised.

today wasnt such a bad day. i found myself drifting in and out (and being dazed at one point). drums practice was fun actually. the new instructor is such a.. dynamo. really, his energy is so, wow. haha. he's really really different from the one we had last yr. its a real change. i lost count of how many times i laughed during practice, it was fun.

hari raya haji is this friday, and though im glad for a break, i wonder what more it'll bring.

if it makes you happy,
then it cant be that bad
if it makes you happy,
then why the hell are you so sad?

2005-01-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

firstly, thanks to everyone who doodled me on my previous post. it is a long overdue thank you to everyone, so thanks you guys. =)

this is just a brief update to let pple know that im not dead, or whatever. the rest of the week wasnt so bad i suppose, esp ending ther whole week being shoo-ed away form the school by zaiton on friday. oh wellls, hahahah..

right now, im over at nabilla's place. im addicted to playing barbie makeovers, hahaha, and nabilla is irritated. *rolls eyes* but its fun, and im, erm, keeping in touch with the little girl inside me. *nods*

yepps

maybe, this is just another mood swings, but i hope not??

mood swings on alert

2005-01-11T11:00:00.000+08:00

mood swings totally on alert.

im down.

*sigh*

im sick of my life. that sounds so extremely cliche, i know. but its different when you actually feel it with such animosity. that horrible wrenching feeling that makes you feel as if you're abt to throw up again and again.

its disgusting. purely disgusting. extremely disgusted with myself.

and these bloody J1s are everywhere.

2005-01-06T19:27:00.000+08:00

bahh... the amount of homework to do.. =( *pouts*

its only been four days and i have dark circles already!!!!!!!!

nothing to post about really. just really tired and there's a LOT of homework and projects. sheeshh.... where's sleep time?

im crawling out of my holiday timetable. i cant imagine how next week will be. especially monday, the amount of stuff to clear by then.

*exhales*

a levels..

gahh...

and i still dont know what im going to do after As.

probably a teacher.

i dont know. im tired la.

exhausted noe, with school. bahhh....

2005-01-04T19:30:00.000+08:00

stupid crazy sister. fell asleep in the whole afternoon while i was slaving at school, wakes up starts whining and throws a tantrum. and to think she's 23? bahhh...

school has started... *groans* it's surreal. timetable was weird this year. =( its only been two days and im stoning through everything. mentally, im still at home.. hahaha...

so not up for school tomorrow. im still stuck in the holidays!! aaaahhhhhh!!!

2004-12-31T15:42:00.000+08:00

wasting away again.
hour after hour.

emotions so numb.
the void eats the rage and becomes one.

sinking lower and lower everyday. everthing's collapsed.

stuck.

thoughts taking journeys where they'll never go.

they reach a high before they crash.

they never exist anyway.

2004-12-29T17:12:00.000+08:00

okie.. fine.. a real entry this time. none of that moping things anymore.

its the end of the year. how very interesting. i cant really say that the year has flown past, because i can still remember the feeling of days and weeks dragging past me this year. but still, to be here at the end of another tremendously tiring year (and at the start of another one), well, pheew. its crazy because im never prepared for anything that comes, and i dun think i will ever be at this age.

the thing is, i cant complain that the holidays flew past me, because i remember that i had quite a long rest compared to what i had last year, and i guess juxtaposing it with the whole of 8 months in SR this year, it was very, very clear that i have been, to put it bluntly, rotting at home. ive been procrastinating with homework, and the only work (if you call it work) ive done this holidays is, erm, practising drums. haha. and that fateful day at plaza singapura.

haha. im not really sure how to sum up the year, so let's go by month and see what sticks out most. this is going to be LONG.

January : entered SR. had a lousy time. was in a lousy mood. hated the school. *first instinct was to strangle every single person in a navy blue polo t-shirt and make all of them shut up. haha. morbid. hated the whole orientation except the very cool campfire out in the carpark with a real fire and Wicked Aura. got into a Science class. made friends. hated malay class, esp when everybody kept laughing at lame jokes made by the still-not-funny malay teacher. but at least i still had my friends to cut malay classes with. was very "homesick" for East Spring and all friends and classmates.

February : still in 1S17. still skipping malay. skipped a lot of stuff actually. lol. oh, was in ELDS Debate. but stopped coming by the erm, fifth meeting i think. wasnt really into the whole thing, i guess. so, was quite, erm, slacking. started to get very confused in the Maths and Chemistry department. but interestingly, started to really like Economics. haha.. really. oh, remember getting extremely disgusted at SR's chemistry lab that seemed very, yellow. everything seemed yellow. the lights, the counter tops, the test tubes, burettes, everything! haha.. was a LOT different from East Spring's new labs with sparkling new test tubes, burettes, those shiny nice dark blue counters, everything was much nicer than the instruments in SR's labs. lol. yes, i was finding fault with everything SR had. c'mon, tell me you didnt hate the school when you first came in?

March : ahh.. the light at the end of the tunnel finally seemed to appear. it seemed as if that deplorable life in SR was finally coming to an end (i couldnt be more wrong!). the term was ending, i was skipping practically all the malay classes, and others. final few weeks with 1S17. it was fun. i got my results. only 20. which was sad because it turned out that i really couldnt go anywhere else, so was comforted by Hayati. haha.. a few friends left school after they received the results which was pretty sad. but the month went past quickly. I went to a teacher's wedding, skipped last day in SR to have a day in Sentosa with my class. kept my cousins waiting at the airport as i rushed down from harbourfront to the airport to have dinner together at Swensen's. it was nice. the ending was much easier to remember than the start.

April : started the real JC life. met new clowns. orientation went down much easier this time around i guess esp that i already knew the school. went over to the Arts stream. entered 1A03. met a purple dinosaur. had fun with immy and addy the first time we endured two hours of malay together. had that wonderful LTC camp with the class. signed up for Chinese Drums. oh, and aqi-sparkles.blogspot.com was born.

May : cant remember much about this month. but i know there was some exams around this time. common tests? not sure. but PW started. chinese drums started too i think. it was all school i guess. falling into the whole routine. but celebrated sheena's birthday, it was about the last time i remmeber being around oda and henny.haha..and that Troy fever too.

June : it was mostly PW. had a few drums practices. oh and i remember, the stage crew stuff. haha.. busy holidays. oh! and the Euro Cup! still cant believe greece won. it contributed to the not studying becaue i was up many late nights watching italy. especially that italy vs sweden match. haha.. and the Harry Potter movie, with effa and sheena, we went out causeway point i think. oh, and i watched Othello at Victoria Theatre! hehe.. thatwas fun. In lithuanian for three hours. too bad i lost the ticket stub and cant get my enrichment hours for it.boo.

July : i think i had my mid-years in this month. got a erm, C,E,O. haha.. it was another one of those studying months. and PW all the time. SRJCian's Day was on 21 july right? and we had that amazing race which we got third (and still have no idea where the vouchers went to) and the Student Council Investiture. saw maggie, gapi and heeru step into the council. that was a really nice day.

August: ahh.. my favourite month this year. hehe.. i remember my first ever chinese drums public performance at orchard road. wearing the outfit for the very first time. hehe.. found out that i got elected VP the next day. then there was my birthday. the class birthday surprise. hehe.. and all those pink pressies from effa and sheena. and teachers' day. went back to ES on the 31st. it was... interesting.

September: Immy's and Addy's birthday. interesting, lol. i remember the one week holiday that i spent simply watching the LOTR trilogy. haha..it was a very boring and stressed up month. because the promos were starting. i think this was about the time that the Girls' Room Club was formed. hehee..

October: still the promos. i think it was about two weeks. two weeks of finger cramping stuff. and i actually studied. well, a little. hehe. the resutls werent too bad. after that it was all PW again.

November: Project Work OP. final lap, and it was pretty screwed up. then the holidays started. then it was hari raya! hahaha... a lot of slacking.

and here we are at December. it's already wednesday and nothing's been done. hahaha.. memorable days? obviously that orchard jam/blue smurf day. that was a nice one.

hahaha.. cant believe school is starting. going to be totally into that A levels thing soon. the fear built up the day that nabilla ended her A's.. arrghhh... i need it badly.

oh, i chopped off my hair. =( it's short. and i look 12. boo.

And.. this is my 100th entry! Yay! That’s why its so special! Lol.. perfect timing too.

blahh

2004-12-28T14:15:00.000+08:00

rainy days and mondays always get me down...

rainy days bcos its been raining non-stop today. and monday. because school starts monday.
have not touched my homework.

wad a blah.

i need another life.

simply understated

2004-12-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

new skin. simple, understated. im into neutral shades at the moment.
but i still love my pink. thus the doodle board.

2004-12-22T10:21:00.000+08:00

and i am back!

okie.. ive been back for a few days already. just got caught into this bout of depression. not sure why. it was an okay-okay trip i suppose, we did go to a few places in between listening to my parents discuss and passing sarcastic comments here and there. *rolls eyes*

but enough of that.

sigh. im bored. and none of the homework seems appealing.

nor the reading materials.

Looking Backward - quote from maggie "its like an econs essay gone bad"

and Utopia? sigh. i have to read it out loud to actually understand.

but ive finished Silas Marner, which was a really incredible read, so that's one.

and the school year is starting in slightly more than a week. boo.

i caught Ocean's Twelve with Immy two days ago, but i still thought that the first movie was better. Twelve was still very stylishly done and still very fun to watch, but hmm, maybe it wasnt as smooth? not very sure, there's something i cant quite put a finger on that was missing.

i want a new blogskin. i want a personalised one. boo.

2004-12-12T11:43:00.000+08:00

ok peeps! i'm rushing right now bcos mummy suddenly decide to go on the holiday TODAY instead of TOMORROW. I'll be gone for a week i think, prob be back on saturday maybe?

i love all of you!! going to miss, nabilla, nazri, effa, sheena, addy, maggie, zai zai, immy, JJ, jonathan, and all of you!

[041A03]

Adleen will upload the maths holiday homework here soon while i am gone, so pls check back to upload the Maths Holiday Homework.

alternatively, you may ask : Imran,Maggie, Adleen, Jonathan Tan for it.

okie.. peeps.. going to miss all of you. bubhyez..

p/s: keep me updated about Taufik!

coming home

2004-12-11T17:12:00.000+08:00

wee~! ive just spent three hours at the library, and will leave in five minutes. haha.. and im alone. and im not at the SRJC library.

i realised how ive missed the library. its weirdly, invigorating. and peaceful when the mats and minahs (or m&ms as addy calls them) arent around.

weird that i practically grew up in libraries. ive always felt at home in them. and always feel like the m&ms are intruding my privacy when they do their nonsense around me.

those sweet memories when i was about five, six? and every saturday i would follow my mom to work at the Bedok library. some days, she'd give ten dollars for me to have breakfast at A&W next to it. i'd wait for the library to open after breakfast, and after work, my dad would pick the two of us up.

every visit is almost like a path back to those days.

and im sorry immy. i chose the library over Blade Trinity. =)

2004-12-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

Post-activities Depression

haiz.. suffering from withrawal symptoms.

1) no more Singapore Idol.
2) no more drums.

it's irritating how much you suffer once something you love to do stops.

no more idol. no more taufik, no more sly. no more being glued to the tv.

no more drums. no more coming to school at eight and playing drums. no more baulking at the instructor's ideas for actions on the score. no more getting excited about performances. may not even have the same instructor.

coming back down to earth.

boo. =(

2004-12-05T08:14:00.000+08:00

hello pretty people! it's a beautiful Sunday morning!

im still pretty dizzy, must have been truly exhausted from yesterday.

firstly, im really sorry Nazri! I really thought i did tell you that the Orchard Jam performances were from 12-3! really really sorry!

the busking thing was alright i guess. we kept doing it for 2 hours, and became very bored of the score (hah, fr being too lazy to learn the two other scores to play).

the first 'performance' we did yesterday was very, very horrible. It was messy, and we weren't synchronised at all. but the instructor was nice, and said that it was 'not bad' (yeah right).

the weird thing was that afetr that, wile waiting for the lorry to come and pick up the drums set, zaiton and me went walking around and started talking to our teacher in charge. It was fun, haha. She told us all these weird stories abt the other teachers in the staff room, and we found out that they're not all that more mature from us. tsk.. tsk

and.. we found out that, (gawd, of all things), my instructor was working part-time and that he was dressing up as papa smurf at this Kids Central kids' show thing at Plaza Sing that evening.

(bahhh... how i wish this never happened)

we went to PS to have dinner with Lenish and Imran, and the three of them had a really , really, wonderful time teasing me abt my crush on the instructor (=P)

(of course, here, i am not fully describing the stories that they came up with, or my reactions to them)

and seven came with the three of them bullying me non-stop (esp lenish, i will strangle him one day, zai!), and we went ot actually see the show.

(man, this is totally retarded *deep breath*)Angel from KC was opening the whole show, and sunddenly three gigantic blue smurfs came on stage, and started the whole dancing , smiling, waving thing. (*exhale*) and the four of us started to laugh hysterically. it was surreal. totaly surreal. i cannot imagine, the drums instructor, in a blue smurf suit, dancing and waving.

sigh.. will never come up with retarded ideas like this ever again.

and btw, we also found out that we'll have a new instructor next year, bcos he'll started working (read REAL job, no blue suits, i hope) and will not be able to mentor us anymore. oh wells, that was a... unique end.

2004-12-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

wee~!! taufik won!! so yay!! i voted for taufik!! hahahahaha.. I voted like 30 times!!

its that feeling after a tremendous high, when you know that you'll have to face the consequences, and right now, its the phone bills. sigh...

'Me and Mrs Jones' totally blew me away (did it not do that to everyone?). to think that i was complaining abt te song when i first found out that he was going to to sing it at the finals. Lol, bcos i'd heard AI3's George Huff sing it once and so wasnt impressed, thouyght it was the most boring song ever. but of course, the performance for that one was... WOW

haha

cant really write properly bcos im so dizzy.. hopefully not vertigo or somethihng that i had since last night. i still have that drums performance at orchard this sat. somewhen bet 12-3 pm. there's 3 performances i think, 5 minutes each. strangely, the beats penetrate through this spinning head.

2004-11-29T11:23:00.000+08:00

okay.. i was blog-hopping again.

but i found this link to a really funny piece on MSNBC about Chick Flicks that i totally agree with. hehe.. having spent th last five years reading chic lit non-stop(jill mansell, sophie kinsella!!) and loving chick flicks, its all totally lovable. but, obviously seeing that it doesnt take too much of the intellectual side, hmm, do i really care??

=P

here's the link.

and after that, maybe you will just follow up on the article on
Johnny Depp

2004-11-29T10:44:00.000+08:00

i just finished watching Love Actually. sigh, the fact that its an extremely sweet movie is.. extremely lovely.. wahahaha..... watching something like that at 8 in the morning.

ive just set a date with effa and sheena at swensen's at changi airport on wednesday. that's going to be lovely =)

ahh yes.. the sad fact is that im running out of money! and the hari raya money is disappearing at an alarmingly incredible speed!!

had a really nice day gg out yesterday to Immy's and Addy's house yesterday. There were eight of us - Me, Addy, Maggie, Jody, Cat, Heeru, Jonathan and Immy. Maggie and me were like the PURPLE SISTERS yesterday. hehe.. it was weird that my kebaya and her punjabi was the same shade of Purple! hehe.. and we both wore black sparkly shoes and even butterfly neck chains. heehehe... very weird..

All of us talked a LOT. hahaha..esp abt the Nightwalk for the ogl camp, which sounded really really scary. glad im not going, haha. will ask Maggie everything abt it on thurs.. hehe..

and when you speak, angels sing from above...
give your heart and soul to me and life will always be, la vie en rose

2004-11-26T19:25:00.000+08:00

Part of me is just ranting and still fuming, so just bear with me for a while.

A few hours ago, i was on my way to get dinner for my family at a nearby coffeeshop. On the way there, i had to cross a zebra crossing to get on to the pedestrian crossing as the coffeeshop was on that side.

I was just about to cross the zebra crossing when i heard this loud honk that made me jump back and this middle-aged ah pek in a white van hollered at me "what?! you never see me is it?".

I rolled my eyes and crossed the zebra crossing. Obviously, that wasnt it. Obviously being able to get pass the zebra crossing first wasnt good enough for this man (keeping in mind of the fact that there were no cars in sight and the street was usually quiet at that time).

He stuck his head out of of the window and hollered "what?! you never see me is it?" again. I glared at him and snapped "It's the zebra crossing. You're the one who should stop!"
He had the nerve to shout " who cares if its the zebra crossing?".

I was extremely disgusted and turned my head away and didnt bother to listen to whatever the silly old wacko had to say.

Its extremely irritating to see these sort of kiasu people. The fact that he could barely stop in time at the zebra crossing should that he wasnt even travelling at a safe speed. If somebody who couldnt respond fast enough was in my place, he wuld have knocked them down for sure.

I suppose part of the reason the mad-ass drove away was because the other people at the pedestrian crossing also turned and a him . After the idiot drove away, this makcik turned to me and said, "it's ok. you were in the right. it is the zebra crossing".

Man, these idiots should be humiliated in front of the public and shot dead.

2004-11-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

i am bored.

*yawn*

i just realised how the doctor likes to exaggerate anything that i make up for almost every visit. like the one i went for yesterday. it's disturbing, but yet nice bcos then ill know that im really sick. or he's just really bored telling pple there everyday "flu.fever.flu.fever.cold" some weird form of medical mental gymnastics.

i'm halfway through Gangs of New York, but im still not really into the plot. it's too slow.
nabilla wants to have a sleepover or something, but i'll have to think abt it first. i just LOVE this Lit assignment!! hahahahahhahaha

and nabilla! you have to tell me how to solve Petals Around the Rose!!!!!!

2004-11-21T14:03:00.000+08:00

wee~! new blogskin! been waiting to put this one up for ages. i know maggie and lotsa other pple would LOVE my doodle board's new colours. *wink wink* hahhahahaha

and so, since im bored and have nothing to do or would like to do, i'll pu a picture of me from an Aidilfitri two years ago.

hahaha.. maggie calls this my nerdy pic bcos of those purple specs from Optique Avenue that i fell in love with and buggered my dad to buy for me.

hmm... i was still playing netball then too. lolzzz

2004-11-18T16:26:00.000+08:00

I really want to see A Series of Unfortunate Events!!

I saw the trailer for it last night on MTV Screen and im in love with it. there's this magic that seems more incredible than even Harry Potter =)

2004-11-18T15:53:00.000+08:00

so, i am very bored.

opened my hotmail inbox and found this template done by nazri, who was also obviously bored on friday.

i'll put it up for, erm, two days. the i'll put back up the secrets template which was around for only one night befoer the Eid Mubarak one.

tadadadadadadadadadadadadada

Amazing race last night was okay i suppose. The new group seem to be fun. i instantly liked the pro-wrestler couple, though im not sure why. I fund it funny that they were gushing abt their physical ability but forgot how important map-reading was for the race.

Instant villain this time was obviously that blue-haired tweety bird gone wrong entrepreneur. The "im a dictator" speech was a distasteful from the start.

i am so bored.

i wanna go jalan raya!!!

2004-11-16T20:04:00.000+08:00

=(

went for the first Heartware Network day today, and did fund-raising.

i will never get over the mind-numbing pain of fund-raising, and being avoided like lepers.

*rolls eyes*

there's still four more days to go.

i am tired and starving, the last thing i had was nuggets at 1.30pm just now. but the pizza will only arrive at nine!!!! like ONE hour away.

hmph..

but its still Hari Raya.. still lots of stuff to do.. houses to go.. more money to collect.. heheh

anyway, i was listening to this song while on the way to and back from the Heartware network thing.. its such an extremely cute song..

Always on my Mind - Phantom Planet

Everybody in this place get up and move away
For all I care this towns already dead and empty
Im told that Im the victim of obsession thats what my friends say
Oh Im a fool for having ever let her tempt me

Well I turn pale when she walks by
I am lost in her eyes
She is always on my mind

She glances over but she keeps on walking down that street
all i can do is hope that she is thinking of me
if i could blink if i could breathe if i could get my legs to move
Well this could be the day I get this girl to love me

She had turned from a sound
well i must have cried out loud
she is always on my mind

If i could blink if i could breathe
if i could get my legs to move
well this could be the day i get this girl to love me

She had turned from a sound
well i must have cried out loud
She is always on my mind